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Post by Flex on Feb 21, 2016 12:25:29 GMT
OOC:
Steam Name: skillboys
Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:46743927
Introduction About yourself: hi my name is skillboys im from netherlands, have loads of exp in starwarsrp
Age: 16
Speak Clear English: YES
IC:
Introduction About Yourself: my name is CT 9832 better known as Flex iv just arrived on the ship and looking forward to becomming a high member of The Republic Navy
Class Of Ship Used By The Republic Navy : venator
All Sides Of The Ship: port and starboard
A Converstaion Between ATC And A Landing Pilot: <ATC<number> Reqeustion lading promission <landing pilot> ATC<number> u are clear for landing in<hangerbay> come on in
Why You Would Make A Good Member Of The Republic Navy: i have EXP on the ground and air/space so i know what to do when things go south.
If A Clone Was Disobeying Your Orders, What Would You Do Too Them: i would call the Shock troopers to contain him and bring him to brig.
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olivermckeown8
New Member
Star Wars is Love, Star Wars is Life.
Posts: 6
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Post by olivermckeown8 on Feb 25, 2016 12:15:27 GMT
I don't make the fleet decisions but I can tell you this..
I'm going to go through the application pointing out what is wrong with each bit so you know where to improve next time.
I'm going to assume you lead about your age:
"Introduction About yourself: hi my name is skillboys im from netherlands, have loads of exp in starwarsrp"
For one the grammar is terrible, Ill re-write it for you.
"Hi, my name is "skillboys" and I'm from the Netherlands. I have lots of experience in Star-Wars-RP"
So lets take this apart a bit more. I'm gonna be generous and say English isn't your main language. The experience is nice, but you haven't specified how much you have.
"Introduction About Yourself: my name is CT 9832 better known as Flex iv just arrived on the ship and looking forward to becomming a high member of The Republic Navy"
Ill fix the grammar again giving us:
"Hello, my name is CT 9832 also known as Flex. I have just arrived aboard the ship and look forward to becoming a higher member of the Republic Navy/Fleet."
Lets proceed to breaking it down,
You said in the above text that you just arrived, I would hold off on joining Fleet for a while.. Also just picking up that your expecting fleet "look forward to becoming a higher member of the Republic Navy/Fleet"
Right, Next bit..
I am going to do two at once..
"Class Of Ship Used By The Republic Navy venator
All Sides Of The Ship: port and starboard"
Not much to screw up grammatically but I will try my best...
"Class of Ship Used By The Republic Navy: The Republic Navy use a Venator (Use full sentences)
All Sides of The Ship: There is a Port and Starboard."
Well, picking this apart,
Ill let google explain this:
"port: the left side of the ship, facing forward (opposite of "starboard"). starboard: the right side of the ship, when facing forward (opposite of "port"). stern: the rear of a ship (opposite of "bow")."
You forgot the Bowl and the Stern...
"A Converstaion Between ATC And A Landing Pilot: <ATC<number> Reqeustion lading promission <landing pilot> ATC<number> u are clear for landing in<hangerbay> come on in"
I can do something with this:
"A Conversation between ATC and A Landing Pilot: <Advert>: Requesting landing permission. YOU: <Advert>: You (Never use u by itself) are cleared (Cleared is better the clear in the circumstance) for landing in <Hanger bay 1/2/main> come on in."
Where do I begin? Being nitpicky but really "come on in?"
Also, you did NOT check any of the hanger bays or check his ID.
Except for grammatical errors the rest is fine.
-Oliver
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